What to Do If You're Served With a Restraining Order

You just got served with a restraining order. Now what? First things first. Read the entire order and obey the terms of the order. Don't reach out to the accuser (or protected party), as that act alone violates the order. You'll likely want to contact a lawyer to help you understand what's happening and possibly fight the order in court.

Understanding the Restraining Order and What It Does

Restraining orders, even temporary ones, should not be taken lightly. You might get the order and learn that you need to move out of your house and avoid all contact with certain individuals, including your kids. Violating the order can result in arrest, imprisonment, and a criminal conviction. Even if you think the allegations are false and the order was issued against you unfairly, it's still important to follow its terms to avoid being arrested.

How Are Restraining Orders Issued?

Courts have the authority to issue restraining orders (also referred to as protection or no-contact orders) when a person alleges to be in danger of immediate harm. The order can direct a party to stop their harmful behavior (such as abuse) and avoid further contact with the alleged victim. Most restraining orders are issued in connection with domestic violence or conflict in intimate or family relationships, including physical abuse, threats, harassment, stalking, and sexual assault. They may also be issued if you're in a dispute with say your neighbor or employer. A violation carries criminal consequences.

Civil Court Process

Although restraining orders can be issued in a criminal case, if you were served, the alleged victim or accuser likely filed a petition in civil court asking for the order. Court documents often refer to the alleged victim or accuser as the "petitioner" or plaintiff and the restrained person as the "respondent" or defendant. The procedures for getting a restraining order vary by state.

Temporary or Ex Parte Restraining Order

Often, a court will first enter a temporary or ex parte (ex par-tee) restraining order that will last for a few days. The judge issues this temporary order based only on allegations presented by the petitioner and without holding a hearing.

Before issuing a more permanent order (which often lasts a year or more), the judge must give the respondent/defendant notice and an opportunity to be heard in court and to contest the allegations. These hearings take place pretty quickly, so as the respondent, you might have only a week or so to make decisions, respond, and prepare for the hearing. Violating a temporary order is just as serious as violating a permanent order.

Actions to Avoid When Served With a Restraining Order

With restraining orders, avoiding certain actions will be crucial to defending against a permanent order and not getting slapped with criminal charges.

• Do not destroy evidence that you think could hurt you, as this may cast you in a suspicious light with the court and can lead to criminal charges.
• Do not try to talk to the petitioner or witnesses you expect will testify for the petitioner about the case, or have any contact with them (including text messages or email).
• Do not disregard a temporary restraining order in any way.
• Do not try to get around a provision in the order.

As to the last one, claiming ignorance as to what "no contact" means is not a good strategy. No contact means no contact. For instance, don't try to get around the order by going by the children's school or visiting them at a relative's home. Don't ask a third party to relay your message to the petitioner. And if the petitioner asks you to meet up to talk things over, you can't accept the invitation without violating the order. A petitioner's invitation doesn't negate the order.

Do You Need a Lawyer to Defend Against a Restraining Order?

You can fight a restraining order on your own, but having an attorney by your side can make a huge difference in the results. Likely, emotions are running high. An attorney can help you gather evidence, find potential witnesses, and present a solid argument in court—all in short order and without letting emotions get in the way.

What's at Stake With a Restraining Order Against You

There's a lot at stake when it comes to a permanent order being issued. The permanent order might last one to five years or longer. It can order you to move out of your house, pay certain bills, and limit contact with children. Any violation could result in arrest, jail time, and a conviction.

Choosing to Go to Court on Your Own

Do your research if you choose to fight the order on your own. The court might have information online on how to prepare for the hearing. Knowing what to expect in the courtroom can also be helpful. You might be able to fight the order altogether or convince the judge to drop or modify certain conditions.

How to Fight Against a Restraining Order

Once served with a restraining order, it's important to act quickly. As noted above, you might have only a few days to file response papers with the court and prepare for the hearing. Here are some tips on preparing for and defending against a restraining order.

1. Read the Entire Restraining Order and Follow It

It can't be said enough, you'll want to read the entire order so you don't violate it. Violating the temporary order will make it that much harder to fight the permanent order.

You'll also want to read it to:

• find out when the court hearing is scheduled and when any response papers are due
• learn what the allegations are against you, including any evidence, and
• take note of your rights, for instance, to receive notice of the hearing, to present evidence, and to have a lawyer present.

The right to have legal representation doesn't mean free representation. Restraining orders are civil matters, and as such, you are not entitled to a public defender or a court-appointed attorney (that right is reserved for indigent defendants in criminal court).

2. Call a Lawyer Who Defends Restraining Orders

You don't have to get a lawyer to fight a restraining order; you can represent yourself. But it's typically best to contact an attorney. Look for attorneys who specialize in family law or divorce. They've seen their fair share of restraining orders and are generally a good place to start. Remember, this matter will be heard in civil court, not criminal court.

You'll want to review the order with your attorney and go over all the allegations and evidence. The attorney can assist you in developing a defense and represent you in court.

3. File Response Papers or Request a Hearing

You or your attorney might need to file response papers with the court or request a court hearing to contest the restraining order. Pay close attention to deadlines and don't miss them.

4. Gather and Organize Evidence or Documents

On your own or using your attorney's guidance, you should:

• gather any physical evidence relating to any incidents or events the petition refers to, such as clothing, photos, videos, and objects
• assemble any documents or records that could relate to the case, such as letters, emails, phone and GPS records, receipts, computer records, and records that might show where you were at the time of an incident, and
• make a list of possible witnesses—include every person you think has information about the incident, the accusations, or the petitioner—and obtain the witnesses' contact information.

Before the judge will issue the permanent order, the petitioner must prove the allegations, typically by a preponderance of the evidence (a standard of more likely than not). The above information could prove useful to discredit or disprove the petitioner's allegations. For instance, you might be able to show you were at a concert or out of town on the night an alleged incident occurred. Or your phone records might contradict the petitioner's accusations of repeated phone calls or texts. If the petitioner states that you keep driving by their house, your GPS records may enable you to disprove it. This kind of information is very important to bring to your attorney and the court's attention.

5. Go to the Hearing

You're not required to go to the court hearing. But if you don't show, the court may, and likely will, issue the permanent order. The conditions and restrictions in a permanent order often go beyond what is in the temporary order. For example, the permanent order might:

• determine temporary child visitation and custody rights
• order the respondent to pay the petitioner's rent or mortgage payments, household bills, and child support
• give temporary possession of the home and vehicles to the petitioner
• prohibit the respondent from possessing firearms, and
• order the care and custody of family pets.

The hearing might be your one and only chance to tell your side of the story to the court, present evidence, and question the petitioner regarding the allegations.

Make sure you get to court on time. Wear appropriate clothes, similar to what you'd wear to a formal job interview. Address the judge as "Your Honor" and follow the general rule: Don't speak unless spoken to.

What to Expect During a Restraining Order Hearing

At the hearing, the judge will want to hear from both parties under oath. Here's how a hearing might play out and things to be aware of.

Petitioner goes first. The judge will let the petitioner tell their side of the story first, including presenting testimony on why they want a restraining order and possibly calling witnesses and entering any evidence (such as pictures, hospital bills, or text messages). You or your lawyer may cross-examine the petitioner and any witnesses.

Respondent goes next. You'll get to tell your side of the story next. The judge or your attorney might ask you questions to guide your testimony. You can also present witness testimony and evidence. The petitioner or their attorney can cross-examine you and your witnesses.

Be prepared for questions. The judge might ask you if you want to contest the entire order or parts of it (such as specific terms or the length of the order). The judge could ask clarifying or follow-up questions. You should be prepared to answer questions regarding the incidents listed in the petitioner's application for the restraining order.

Have evidence ready. If you're bringing evidence (such as photos, credit card statements, or affidavits), have the evidence ready to present and make copies for the court and the petitioner.

Have witnesses ready. Witnesses should be in court and ready to testify. You might need to subpoena witnesses before the court date.

Wait your turn. Court has formal rules, and you need to follow them. If you disagree with something the petitioner says, don't interrupt their testimony. You need to wait until cross-examination or address the issue in your testimony. Never interrupt the judge. Always address the judge as "Your Honor."